As a family educator and parenting expert, I’ve had the privilege of working with countless families — each one unique in its makeup and story. Among these are LGBTQ+ families, navigating the complexities of parenting in a society where assumptions about what a “traditional” family should look like still linger.
One challenge I’ve heard about time and time again is handling those awkward, sometimes downright intrusive, questions from strangers, friends, or even extended family members. Questions that, often unintentionally, undermine the legitimacy of LGBTQ+ families or overstep personal boundaries.
These moments can be uncomfortable, but they’re also opportunities. Opportunities to set boundaries, educate, and — when it feels right — advocate for a broader, kinder understanding of what makes a family. Through years of conversations with LGBTQ+ parents, personal allies, and expert colleagues, I’ve gathered some practical, heartfelt strategies to help families gracefully navigate these encounters.
Today, I want to share those with you — because no family should ever have to defend their love.
Table of Contents
Why Do People Ask Awkward Questions?
It’s important to start by understanding that most people who ask awkward or nosy questions aren’t setting out to offend. Often, these comments come from simple curiosity, unfamiliarity, or a lack of exposure to diverse family structures.
That said, the burden shouldn’t fall on LGBTQ+ parents to constantly educate others or tolerate intrusive questioning. Recognizing where these questions come from, however, can help you choose how to respond — whether with patience, humor, firmness, or a polite redirect.
In my work with families, I’ve learned that people tend to ask uncomfortable questions because:
- They’ve rarely seen a family that looks different from their own.
- They’re repeating assumptions or stereotypes they’ve heard elsewhere.
- They lack the language to ask respectfully.
- They’re genuinely curious but unaware of appropriate boundaries.
Whatever the reason, you have the right to decide when and how you want to engage.
The Most Common Awkward Questions LGBTQ+ Families Hear
Through my conversations with parents, certain questions seem to come up repeatedly. If you’ve heard any of these, you’re not alone:
-
“Who’s the real mom/dad?”
This question invalidates one parent’s role by implying there’s a ‘real’ and ‘lesser’ parent in the relationship. -
“How did you have your child?”
Inappropriate at best and invasive at worst — this question pries into personal and medical details that aren’t anyone’s business. -
“Won’t your child be confused about not having a mom/dad?”
Based on the assumption that children need a mother and a father to thrive, this one can be frustrating because it undermines the strength of loving, intentional parenting. -
“What do you tell your child about your family?”
A question that assumes LGBTQ+ families need a special explanation, when in truth, most children adapt effortlessly when raised in open, loving homes. -
“Is it even legal for both of you to adopt/be on the birth certificate?”
A reminder of the patchwork of laws around LGBTQ+ families, this question is both personal and occasionally discriminatory.
How to Respond: 5 Compassionate, Effective Strategies
Over the years, LGBTQ+ parents have developed a range of strategies to handle these questions while protecting their privacy and dignity. Here are the most helpful approaches I’ve seen:
1. Set Boundaries Politely But Firmly
You are under no obligation to answer personal questions. If a query crosses a line, it’s perfectly acceptable to draw a boundary.
Example:
“I prefer to keep the details of how we became parents private, but thank you for your interest in our family.”
Boundaries help reinforce the idea that LGBTQ+ families deserve the same respect and privacy as any other family.
2. Use Teachable Moments When You Feel Comfortable
Sometimes, when it feels appropriate and safe, turning an awkward question into a learning opportunity can foster understanding.
Example:
“Actually, families come in all shapes and sizes. What matters most is that children are raised in loving, supportive homes.”
I’ve seen parents use these opportunities to advocate for inclusivity while remaining in control of the conversation.
3. Inject a Little Humor
Light humor can quickly defuse uncomfortable situations and steer the conversation to safer ground.
Example:
“It took a little love, a dash of science, and a lot of paperwork — but here we are, happily parenting!”
Humor reminds others that LGBTQ+ families experience the same joys and struggles as any other.
4. Redirect the Conversation
If you sense a question is intrusive or has the potential to become uncomfortable, gently steer the conversation elsewhere.
Example:
“That’s not something we really get into, but did you see how fast the kids were on the playground today?”
This technique is especially helpful at family gatherings or public settings where privacy matters.
5. Lean on Your Support Network
Having a circle of understanding friends, family members, or other LGBTQ+ parents to turn to makes these moments easier. Whether it’s a quick phone call after a tough interaction or swapping tips on handling nosy questions, community matters.
Over time, many parents tell me they’ve built resilience simply by knowing others are navigating the same waters.
Helping Your Child Handle Questions, Too
It’s not just parents who get asked questions — children do, too. Preparing them for these moments is one of the greatest gifts you can give.
Open, Honest Conversations
Create an environment where your child feels comfortable asking questions about their family. Explain in age-appropriate ways that families are made in different ways, and that it’s okay if others have questions.
Practice Role-Playing
Go through common scenarios together and practice responses. This boosts your child’s confidence and makes them feel prepared for real-life situations.
Teach Them About Boundaries
Help your child understand they have a right to privacy. They don’t have to answer questions that make them feel uncomfortable, and it’s okay to say, “That’s personal,” or “I don’t want to talk about that.”
Reaffirm Your Family’s Strength
Regularly remind your child that their family is built on love, and that what makes a family is not who’s in it, but how those people care for one another.
Building a Safe, Supportive Community
One of the best ways to ease the burden of awkward questions is by surrounding yourself with a community that understands. Whether through local LGBTQ+ parenting groups, online forums, or friends who simply ‘get it,’ having others to share stories, vent frustrations, and exchange advice with makes a profound difference.
In my experience, families that build these circles often feel more empowered and less isolated — and it becomes easier to handle tough conversations when you know you’re not doing it alone.
Final Thoughts
Every family deserves dignity, respect, and privacy. While awkward questions about your LGBTQ+ family can be challenging, they also offer chances — when you choose — to educate, advocate, and build resilience.
As a parenting expert, I’ve witnessed firsthand the remarkable strength of LGBTQ+ families. They navigate these conversations with grace, humor, and patience, while raising children who are just as loved, secure, and well-adjusted as any others.
Remember, you’re the expert on your family. You decide how much to share, when to engage, and when to simply smile and move on.
Love is what makes a family — and that’s never up for debate.
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